Friday, October 13, 2006

The Gift

These are the days that explode my heart.

It's funny...I've been thinking there are so many Monkey-things I wanted to blog and I started to write it yesterday, but I couldn't get beyond that line:

These are the days that explode my heart.

I never intended for this blog to be so Monkey-centric -- especially since I tend to regard myself as a Cool Chick Who Happens To Have A Little Person. I figured I'd write about the weird things I noticed in a day or about the trials and tribulations of dating after a 10-year hiatus or maybe some wry commentary on the minutia of my life...and I guess I do write about those things, to a degree. But it turns out, even to my own surprise, that this little guy is just an enormous part of my life and who I am.

And he's just been so fun lately that I find I miss him a little bit extra when he's not around...and when he is, it's like there's not quite enough time to soak it all in, all the weirdness and wonder.

I get shocked at the fact that he's growing up so much. He's genuinely helpful around the house (I swear, the kid cleans the living room better than I do). He's reading pretty regularly now (remember the Dick and Jane books from our childhood? He's now reading me a story or two a night before bedtime). He's also learning about matters of the heart (friendship and loss)...and I just wish I could put a bubble around him to protect him from the tiny scars of each hard lesson.

And just this week, he wrote his name for me for the first time...

Now, granted, if you don't know what you're looking for, that may not look like much...but for those of you who know his name, you can probably make out at least a couple of the letters.

I'm not sure if there exists a word in the English language that could capture what I felt as I watched him concentrate on that pen (and put 16 squiggles in the S).
Proud is far too pale a term. Elated gets close...but still doesn't quite do it. Wait, try this: Imagine all the blood in your body being replaced by helium and your heart so huge and full that you almost can't breathe.

It's like that.

As "together" as I can seem, I often feel like my life is a series of happy accidents that seem to make
much more sense in retrospect than in forecast. The decision to have a child was a pretty quick one...and the actuality of that decision was quicker still (decision + six weeks = start the egg timer!). I had no clue the degree to which it would change my deeply it would impact me...

...or what an amazing gift it would be to "Happen To Have A Little Person."


towwas said...

Yeah, he's pretty freaking cool. I don't see him for a while, and suddenly he can WRITE his NAME??? That is too cool! And I love the "S"! And he reads! My god!

I Blog, You Blog said...

Yes, clearly, you need to come visit!

He tells me you call on his hand-phone all the time. Out of nowhere he'll sing a random ringtone, put his hand up to his ear, and say "Um...hello? Yes. Oh Heeeeey... Yeah. Ok. Just a minute please. -- Mommy, it's Miss [Yourname]"

He was complaining at dinner last night because his handphone battery wasn't holding a charge...

J.Bro said...

Will you tell HOSHIllA that I like his boots?

towwas said...

Oh, yeah, I call him all the time.