Henry and Ned

When I was little, I had pretend friends. I don't remember why I invented them...I had a sister around, but maybe she was too young to really play with much. I do remember playing with my pretend friends though...they'd swing with me on the swingset in the back yard and hunker down in secret in my room. They kept me company during nap time when I couldn't sleep (which was always). We had grand adventures. We were unstoppable: me, a girl named Teejel and Henry Kissinger.

Ok, look, it was the 70's and I was, like, 4 and I must have heard the name. Even as a kid I was completely fascinated with kissing (just ask poor Teddy Williams...I chased that kid around the first grade playground for a solid year trying to get him to kiss me)...so, I mean, why not pick Henry Kissinger for a pretend friend?? It wasn't until much later that I really associated the voice and the man and my past and...yeah, there's probably a therapist's couch in my future.

So, having had pretend friends of my own, I can completely understand the Monkey's introduction of pretend friends into our lives. For awhile it was TV characters that randomly showed up (we spent a lot of meals with Steve and Blue a year or so back)...then we moved on to fighting pretend bad guys as Power Rangers (which has an awesome sound-effects track -- like a badly-dubbed kung-fu movie: "hyah, huh heh heh ha ho..."). Then just this week, the Monkey announced the arrival of his brother....Ned.

This is Ned.




Ned is a gold Ikea Christmas ornament that didn't make it back in with the Christmas stuff. Ned spends a goodly amount of time on the Naughty Step for various random offenses (Monday night Ned was throwing a fit and hit the wall...this was unacceptable in the Monkey's world). Ned has his very own carseat in the car (the backseat cupholder -- it's a perfect fit!). Ned sleeps each night in the basket with the TV remotes and is greeted warmly each morning by the Monkey ("Oh good morning! How did you sleep?? I'm so glad to see you!!"). Ned had a pretend Caesar salad for dinner tonight and there was much discussion over whether or not Ned required some sort of booster seat to properly reach the table.

I kind of enjoy having Ned around...it reminds me of the "old days." Plus, you know, down the road if the Monkey ever makes fun of me for playing on the swings with the Secretary of State, I can quip, "well, sure, but your pretend brother was a Christmas ornament."

Do you suppose therapists give a family discount?