Sunday, February 26, 2006


The double edged, dangling sword of being "adult," at least from my perspective, is that there are almost no external constraints. I'm pretty much free to do exactly what I want to do, the moment I want to do it. It's that thing I (and all of us, probably) dreamed of as a kid...finally! No one telling me one bothering me if I don't get something rules, just right. Woohoo!

Well, except that I still sort of have to make good decisions. The push is internal now to do the right thing...the smart thing...the good for myself thing...but it's no less there just because it resides with me. Also no-less-there is that kid who recognizes that I can do whatever I want, dammit! And so goes the internal conflict... My grown up side (which, admittedly, sounds more than a little like my mother, more than a little of the time) being grounded and rational and smart...and Mini-Me The Teenager pitching a full blown hissy and demanding to get her way.

Given those two strong pulls, it's probably about right that I'm batting around 500...but sometimes it's seriously difficult to keep that balance in check...and I hate denying myself, even when I know it's the right thing to do.

Oh, alright...fine! I'll start working now. Gosh!

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