Monday, July 28, 2008

I Appreciated The Honesty, Actually...

So, while I've pretty much promised myself not to write about my dating misadventures here, there's one story I have to share. I had a rather blind date a month or so ago with a NASCAR fan. He was a friend of a friend and though we hadn't met in person, we'd spent a significant amount of time on the phone prior to the date proper. I felt like I knew him...and we had a tremendous amount in common. I was all set for a nice evening out.

The date itself was nice. Ethiopian food in Adams Morgan and then a walk along the river in Georgetown. Lots of easy conversation. He dropped me off with a hug and a kiss on the cheek...which was chaste to be sure, but he's from the south, so I chalked it up to him being a gentleman.

He called the next day to chat...and to let me know that he felt "no chemistry" with me. Bummer, but I appreciated the honesty. We promised to be friends...which wasn't a bad outcome at all.

Fast forward two weeks and he sees me online late on a Friday night. He's home with his kids and they're in bed. He's had a few to drink and is feeling I seized the opportunity to get some honest feedback from him...

Me: Ok, so, I'm curious. What was it? Were you just not attracted to me, or what?
Him: You really want to know?
Me: I do, actually. I thought we knew each other fairly well and I thought the date went pretty well...and, honestly, I'd like to have a second date at some point in my life. I'd really like to know.
Him: It's going to sound bad.
Me: It's ok. It's water under the bridge anyway and I've always appreciated your honesty. I'd just like to know.
Him: Um. Ok. Well......

(While he's paused here trying to figure out just the right way to say it, I should point out that at this point I'm 99% sure of what's coming. I mean, I know my strengths and my weaknesses when it comes to matters of "chemistry" I'm braced for what I'm sure I'll hear next...and it has everything to do with standards of beauty. I've secretly always figured this was my problem...and finally, I'm going to hear it first hand...which will probably be good for me. Oh, but wait, he's figured out how to say it...let's listen in...)

Him: You know, as I thought about it afterward and the thing is... Oh, man, this is going to make me sound so shallow!
Me: Out with it!
Him: Ok...ok... I thought about it and the thing I just couldn't get past....

(I'm literally bracing myself against the kitchen countertop now...because it's going to hurt to hear this)

Him: the fact that you wore open toed shoes and hadn't painted your toenails.


It took me a few minutes to get over the shock.

WHAT? And he confirmed that yes, this was really the issue...and that as terrible and shallow as it sounded, it made me appear as though I didn't pay attention to details...and details are important! I laughed so loud and so long he nearly hung up on me. I noted that on my list of things about which I'm self conscious (and it's a formidable list, I assure you!!), that? That was nowhere on it.

...and also, I pointed out, it would have been exceptionally useful if he'd let me know that he was a metrosexual BEFORE we went out. I mean....for crying out loud!!

Nevertheless, it was good feedback and I told him I appreciated his honesty. And no, despite his pleadings, I would not be taking the opportunity to find something about him to critique...because I wasn't particularly inclined to invent some "issue" just to make him feel better about what we'd just discussed. He thanked me for calling him out. We had a pleasant conversation after that and eventually said goodnight.

...and, yes. I woke up the next morning and painted my %$#% toes.


towwas said...

HA! I keep a bottle of nail polish in my office for days when I realize I have that issue. Actually, I have a bottle of nail polish in my bag, too. I'm not sure why it's there, but I kind of like it.

present&accounted4 said...

laugh out loud funny!

J.Bro said...

Yikes. I love you that you describe him as a nascar fan first and foremost. I kept waiting for that to be part of the story, and my sense of humor is pleased that it didn't come up again.