Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Absolutely Defining

Joe Fox: The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino. (~You've Got Mail)

I was reminded of this quote this morning on the train. Was it because I was looking forward to getting a big fat cuppa to take the chill off? No. Was it because I don't know what the hell I'm doing otherwise? No. Was it because I was secretly looking for something to blog about? Well, ok, maybe...but, no.

It's because I was practicing.

"Grande, skim, extra-hot, no-whip cinnamon dolce latte."
"Grande, skim, extra-hot, no-whip cinnamon dolce latte."

(this, incidentally, is a departure from my new-usual "grande, skim, extra-hot, no-whip, mocha" -- hence the practice)

Except then I got there and realized they had a sugar-free cinnamon dolce blahblahblah. Panic sets in. I didn't practice that part! Now...does the sugar-free go at the end or the beginning? I have no idea. And the Barrista is doing that thing where he asks you in line what you want...which means I have to kind of yell out this collossal complicated order for the entire line to hear. And I'm not really awake enough to do it...but if I don't do it quickly, I mess up the system. GACK!

So despite my practice, I'm pretty sure I got it in the wrong order. I think maybe it's "grande, skim, no-whip, extra-hot, sugar free cinnamon dolce latte"...or something.

And the worst part? It's not a very tasty beverage...at all. Poo.

Maybe next time I should just order a "double-shot sense of self...with caffeine"...and hope for the best.


Anonymous said...

Hey scoot.....when you get over the stress of your morning beverage can you drop me an email or call? The only current email address I have for you evidently isn't monitored :-) I have an employment question.

BASSO said...

Scoot? Great piece.

J.Bro said...

I suspect the baristas make fun of people who order wrong in the break room, which is ridiculous because (1) it's your own damn naming system and (2) how lame are they? "Dude, that lady asked for a skim latte so I was all, 'Edgar, skim latte pleeeease'!"

Or maybe I'm projecting my coffee-ordering insecurities.