Crazy Good

I've made a discovery. I think it's probably a wholly unremarkable discovery...at least for the rest of the planet...but for me, it's been huge. And it's intimately tied to why I've not managed to write anything for the last week or so.

In flowery terms, my discovery has been this:
When you honor the natural rhythms of your life, you come into the fullness of yourself.

In down-to-earth terms, it amounts to something much more simple:
Work at work. Sleep at night. Be home when you're home. Doing this will make your brain feel much less like meatloaf gone horribly wrong.

I cleaned out every nook and cranny of my house and started breathing again...
I straightened out a couple of relationships and started relaxing again...
I organized my cube at work and started working again...
I started sleeping 7+ hours a night and started being patient again...

...and suddenly I find that I feel like....well, me. Not the chaotic, guilt-ridden, overwhelmed version of myself that had become so familiar of late...but the relaxed, capable, take-on-the-world, cheerful version of myself that I remember from some halcyon past.

Ahhh...hi there!

Of course, the down side to this little plan is that "working at work" leaves little time for blogging. (I'm squeezing this in now because Oracle takes 15 minutes to turn a CR into a requisition and I was stymied waiting.) And my newfound enjoyment of being home at home and sleeping at night means that I rarely do much on the computer in the evenings. I've even taken to reconciling my checkbook in the early hours of the morning (it's actually kind of cool to start the day knowing that your finances are in line). Clearly there are still a few details to sort out...but it's such a marked improvement.

And yes...the open house went well (8ish different groups of people came through to see it that day)...but no, there haven't been any offers yet.

And yes, I'm still a little (ok, a lot) nervous about the magnanimity of buying a house by myself...but no, I haven't found my next home yet (I go looking on Saturday...whee!).

And yes, the house is just the beginning of the next tumble of events (phase 2: secure promotional employment closer to home)...but no, I don't know when or what or how.

So despite this recent feeling of stability, there are still a lot of big question marks floating around outside my head. The remarkable part is that on the inside, it feels like maybe I am actually equipped to deal with them...one at a time...in whatever order they come.

...and that is one crazy good feeling.