Monday, September 18, 2006


In high school, I was voted "Most Academic" by my senior class. The photo of this is horrendous. Not only did I have badly permed hair, but I was sporting bright teal blue highwaters and a fuschia pink bigshirt. The 80s were clearly not good to me.

I suppose in a school with more than 300 seniors, I should be happy that I came away with any sort of superlative (they were based on, basically, write-in votes from the class). And I was flattered to be recognized for something...but also not just a little surprised. I mean, I'd been in every play since I was in 8th grade and I was president of the drama club, so I figured I had a good shot at "Most Dramatic," right? ...but no. Turns out I was most known for being a total nerd in high school -- a reality of which I was blissfully unaware. Go figure...

But, in keeping with the theme, I shall now do a superlative list from my sister's wedding...

Most Culinary Moment
The rehearsal dinner...

We loves us some KFC out that way. Yes we do.

Most Important Lesson-Learned
One should never be the Maidtron of Honor and the mother of a 4-year-old ringbearer simultaneously. These are highly conflicting duties and will mostly make you crazy with guilt...oh, hell, crazy in particular because I didn't get a +1 on my wedding invite. So it was just me and the chance to even bring a girlfriend. Oy.

Most Surprising Discovery
With a team of highly-trained professionals on the job, anyone (yes, anyone...yes, even me!) can look completely glamorous. I had highlights, a manicure, a pedicure, someone to do my makeup and someone to do my hair the day of the wedding. I looked a touch like a (chubby, midwestern) was lovely.

Kindest Remark Made to Me
"Oh hi! look better than ever..."

Most Painful Remark Made to Me
"You know, I don't think (Sister and Husband) are gonna make it.
[pause...then, with a pointed look]
But you know what? I said that about you and (MonkeyDad) too."

Ugh. I think I need to follow that bit of unpleasantness with a picture of something shiny. Look! Shiny!!

Much better. Moving on...

Most Difficult Moment
The singing of the Lord's Prayer during the ceremony. For a moment I was reminded so sharply of my Uncle (who passed in 1995 and was an avid musician/singer) and my grandfather (who passed in 1998 and couldn't be at my wedding because of his battle with cancer) that I wasn't able to stave off the tears. I know they were there in spirit.

Proudest Moment
Watching the Monkeyboy sort of gallumph down the aisle (after pitching a fit not 2 minutes previously about not wanting to do it and how "all the other ring-bearers" weren't going to like him and I really, really didn't think he was going to do it at all). He did it...and he was perfect. Apparently, though I didn't hear it, he tripped a little bit over the grate in the middle of the aisle and said "Whoopsie!" mid-walk (a moment he's enjoyed the hell out of retelling)...all in all, he completely came through.

He has since decided that ring bearing is really very hard work.

And he's still telling me how he didn't like my "wedding hair"...because he wasn't allowed to play with it. So I shouldn't have wedding hair anymore. He said so.

Most Flattering Moment
The photographer at the reception took a million pictures of the Monkey and I. After it was all over and we'd gotten food, we took some time at the reception to kind of catch up. We were at a table by ourselves being silly and playing whatever random thing we were playing and I noticed that the camera was completely trained on us. She must have spent 5-10 minutes snapping away. Then she came to ask whether or not we'd be back in the fall because she'd like pictures of us on a farm with some fall leaves.

My mom told me later that she was fascinated by our relationship. I can't think of a nicer thing anyone could say.

Greatest Relief
Out of nowhere during the reception, the Monkey looks at me and says "Where's A.J.?" And I thought...oh! yes! A.J.! I was certain that my tween-aged cousin was as bored as the Monkey. So we found him...and A.J. was awesome. He jumped up, pulled out a chair for the Monkey, and they chatted about...who in the world knows....but I think it was important:

Later they went outside to play. A little while later still, UncleR (A.J.'s dad) came up to me...
Uncle R: Where'd the boys go?
Me: (vague gesture) Outside somewhere.
Uncle R: Aren't you worried about Monkey??
Me: Nah. A.J.'s got him. Where can they go?
Uncle R: Hrm. Maybe I'd better go check on them...
Me: Un huh. Bored?
Uncle R: (grin)

Most Humorous Moment
I had dinner/drinks with a friend of mine from high school on Thursday night. I mentioned that the wedding party (sans me) was planning a bar hop after the festivities at this place in Louisville. His remark was "ah...lot of plastic people down there." I snickered wildly (to myself) the next night at the rehearsal when three beautiful, perfectly blonded and highlighted, bronzed bridesmaids came sauntering into the sanctuary. They were lovely though...

At the end of it all, everything went without a hitch. The wedding was sister was a beautiful bride...and they got a very happy start to their new life together...

...and yet I've had trouble relaying the events of the weekend with anything other than a sense of exhaustion and relief. It was trying. It required epic amounts of patience to deal with it all: my father's propensity to say unkind things when he's stressed and son's desperate need for his mother and my inability to be there for him properly...the disorganization and chaos that are guests at every wedding...

The biggest struggle, of course, was grappling with my own conflicting emotions of joy for my sister and the companion sadness for something that I may well have lost: that unbridled optimism. I'm not bitter or jaded, I wouldn't say...but I am keenly aware that a little of the polish has worn off my heart. And without a reliable Magic 8 Ball, there's no way to know if my future will find me Most Likely to Rock on the Front Porch Sipping Whiskey From a Coffee Cup or
Most Likely To Be Well-Matched.

And no. I didn't try to catch the bouquet. I guess we'll just have to wait and see...

*Update: Check the comments periodically over the next week or so...I've been remembering other moments that I really should have included and I'm putting them there...


towwas said...

Great wedding report! Yay! I was once at a wedding where the bride had to throw the bouquet three times before anyone would catch it. Every time we were all like, oh look - there it went on the floor again.

I Blog, You Blog said...

There were 12 year olds at this event who made darn sure that the bouquet was caught... Heh. :)

A moment I forgot to include (check back here -- these may come to me as I work through the flashbacks in my therapy sessions):

Most Gluttonous Moment
Every wedding has a wedding cake...of course. And if the guest list demands it, some weddings have a Groom's Cake as well. Only in my family could we extend that to a third category: the Father of the Bride Cake.

My Dad felt strongly that there should be a chocolate cake with white icing at the reception. It's an out-of-the-question choice, of course, for the wedding cake (puh-leese), so he lobbied the Groom. The Groom, however, was equally firm in his resolve that the Groom's cake was his cake and it would, bygawd, be a chocolate cake with chocolate icing.

Negotiations failed.

My father, never one to be out-stubborned, then made the case that the two cakes would only really barely feed the crowd...and what if people wanted more than one piece? Or what if they wanted a bigger piece than some measly "standard" portion? What then???

So he ordered a third cake (chocolate with white icing)...and told the Groom he wasn't allowed to take even a single piece home. :)

towwas said...

Mmmm...cake. I've decided my life doesn't involve enough cake. Good thing I'll be able to partially remedy this terrible situation on Saturday.

korben said...

Wow.. what an emotional rollercoaster weekend that was. Glad you made it through with a smile. Thanks for sharing, Laura.


Anonymous said...

You know, your wedding reception was tremendous fun. Reading this post reminded me of it.

Very cute son, by the way.

I Blog, You Blog said...

It WAS tremendous fun. :) I was reminded through it through the whole thing too... I have no idea if I'll ever marry again, but I'd love to have that kind of party sometime in the future. :) nice and give me at least a clue as to the who of you!! :)

Anonymous said...

I also thought of your reception Laura when I read about the festivities. Well, minus the KFC.

I Blog, You Blog said...

You people are killing me. Officially.

Kapow -- headbits scattered everywhere.

...this is why I turned off anonymous comments before... I have plenty of squirrels in my head as it is!!

Thanks for reading, though...

(oh, and the KFC was just a little part of the rehearsal dinner...the reception was catered. It wasn't PRI, but it was tasty...)

towwas said...

Now that I have my blog back, you could turn anonymous comments off again, you know.

Anonymous said...

OK, if you insist.


I Blog, You Blog said...

Ohmygosh!! Hi!! :) *hugs* Yay! So good to hear from you!!

Anonymous said...

Hey!! I wasn't sure how you'd respond, but-- good!


Anonymous said...


The other anonymous one is me....squeak.

I Blog, You Blog said...

C -- We go way back...and up and down...and every which way. The past was...and the present is. Of course I'm glad to hear from you!! :) I need to make a trip back there sometime...I miss everyone.

Squeeeeeeeeek! You and the Mrs. are due for a visit sometime soon...don't think I've forgotten! :)

Anonymous said...

You know you're always welcome, L!


J.Bro said...

I enjoyed the filename for the plasticpeople - very to the point!