Looks lovely doesn't it? You can almost hear the birds chirping...the stray cicada who missed the party a few years back...random squirrel feet... All dappled and peaceful...
...not at all like the bitch that's been kicking my ass the last two days.
I struggle with myself and the yard. On the one hand, I hate it. I hate the guilt of always feeling like I should be out there doing something in it. I hate that it's not just big, but it's hilly and lumpy and difficult to mow. On the other hand, I love the feeling of accomplishment of it being done. I love knowing that yesterday it looked...er...much much worse, and that I fixed it. Yardwork satisfies my need for instant gratification. I work hard for two days...it looks good. Yay!
I've tried to think of it like meditation...hours of walking meditation with the mower...hours of bending meditation as I tried to separate the red-stemmed weeds from the green-stemmed petunias. I've tried to look at it as a way to assert my girl-power ("Look at me, neighbors! I don't have a man, but I can make the yard look good. Arrr...")...heck, I wielded an axe today!
...and none of that is incentive enough for me to get out there on a regular basis and tinker with it. I think...hard as this is to admit given my Kentucky farm-country upbringing...that I just don't like it. Or I don't like it enough to have this much yard to mess with year round. A few times a year, I love getting out there...getting messy...doing the big projects. But most of the time I'd really rather be doing anything but yardwork. Oh, the guilt of that statement!!
But then again, the fact is that I moved to the East Coast to live in a city before I got too old to enjoy it. I made the decision to live out here in pursuit of a different kind of life than the one I'd had in the Midwest. I had that at first...but it seems I've gotten away from it. I'm back in my Midwestern routines...only with a bigger yard and a bigger mortgage and a kid who'd much rather go to the park than the back yard.
I am not the constant yardener. Maybe I should stop feeling guilty about that and learn what it's trying to tell me...
3 comments:
Yes! Move to a fabulous downtown condo with no yard and a guest room! It's telling you loud & clear!
I would do that in a heartbeat if I could figure out how to get the Monkey to and from daycare without it being a HUGE hassle... I'm still thinking. Need to chat with Ellen too at some point.
Ellen...we should lunch!
Hm. What about the condos they're building in downtown Yourtownville? I know, it's, like, fake urban, but at least it's close to the metro.
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