Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Breezes

I sat, some years ago, on a bench with AhA talking about life. It was Jones Beach, NY in the late summer...when the sun was still warm, but the air was cool enough to chase off most of the beach crowds. We sat and watched the water with our feet on the rail and the wind in our hair. I was quizzing him about life and peace and happiness. He gave me lists of books to read and told me stories of Swedish adventures. I have no idea what, if anything, I contributed to the conversation other than a thousand questions from my muddled mind. I'm like that sometimes.

The topic turned to soulmates... I asked if he believed in the concept and he replied, in his relaxed way, that of course he did. There is, quite simply, a match for every soul... "Of course," he smirked, "mine may be a garbage collector in Poughkeepsie..." I sat and stared while it sunk in.

What an interesting point. ...and, as usual, one I'd never considered. I was raised on Disney's brand of romance where the souls meet and know instantly and overcome the obstacles keeping them apart and live happily ever after (*cue credits*). But his point is well taken... Perhaps we're not always meant to have happily ever after with our soul mate...maybe it's only supposed to be a comfort to know that the soul has a mate...that we're not alone...regardless of the happily ever afterness of it.

Hmm, but what am I looking for, then? I've been giving it thought lately and I think the answer may lie in intimacy. Or maybe that's simply what I'm craving most just now...the ability to share myself with another person and for them to share themselves in turn...to feel that deep-seated closeness...freedom to express...genuine understanding. Yeah...that's the thing.

Ahh...but...

It's tricky, you know...finding (or is it creating?) intimacy. And it isn't sex (even though sex has this nasty habit of cloaking itself in intimacy's robes)... It isn't attraction (attraction is just a doorway)...or having things in common (no one is completely "unique"). Those things are fairly simple to pinpoint. But finding someone who'll grant you the latitude for unabashed openness...and finding the same someone that you want to be completely open with you. It is no mere search... It is art and science...

...and difficult to catch as wind on a beach.

1 comment:

miss shirley said...

I don't think it is possible to have one match to the soul. There are probably a lot of people that can make you feel whatever that word is that you feel when you meet someone who feels familiar in the most intimate way, it's just a questions of running into them at the right time and right place. (We know that doesn't always happen, though, does it?) When it does you get that spark of feeling as interested and excited by someone as they are by you, and by the opportunity to be 100% yourself with absolutely no reservations. Find that, and you find a soul's mate.