Covenant

I do set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.
~Genesis 9:13

We saw the rainbow on the drive home from dinner tonight. The Monkey spotted it first. We were both excited...it was his first time of seeing a "real" one. I told him we could get out and watch it for awhile after we got out of the car. He was beside himself. The moment the engine stopped, he'd released the seatbelt and bolted to go look...not even bothering to close the car door behind him.

I saw the car before he did. I screamed...something...he stopped and turned almost in a circle, not sure what was wrong or which way to go. The driver saw him...and thankfully in time. His brakes skidded only a little and he was a foot or two away when the Monkey finally realized a little of what was happening and ran to me.

The driver waited until he knew I had him and saw that everything was ok. He pulled up and rolled down the window. I apologized profusely and thanked him for being so attentive. He was a sweet, older man and he told me that he always drives slow through our lot and pays attention because you just never know who might walk out in front of you. I thanked him again...I would have hugged him if I could have. He sent us a little Italian blessing kiss and said "God bless" and drove slowly away.

I collapsed beside the car as the tears started...clutching my son so tightly it scared him. It could have gone so many wrong ways just then...and I couldn't even imagine...

My conversations with the Monkey this week have been far too death-focused. Twice now, he's worked himself to the point of big, splashy tears imagining what his life would be like if I died. I don't know where it's coming from (though I suspect he's remembering his grandfather's passing at Christmas)...but he's imagined it down to details. He told me Tuesday night with a face turned completely upside down how awful it would be...because if I died, he wouldn't be able to talk to me...or snuggle with me...or play with my hair...and who would love him if I died? It took 20 minutes and several rounds of kleenex and gulps of water to convince him that I was fine (healthy even!) and that he'd never be without someone to love him. Not ever.

Tonight was, I suppose, my turn to imagine life without him...and thus the origin of my tears every time I looked at him. He kept apologizing...and we both thanked God (in several impromptu prayer sessions) for watching out for him...and he's promised (promised promised) not to run into the road anymore. Which is all well and good, though I doubt it will make me less jumpy every time he exits the car.

But mostly, I'm just grateful beyond words... Somewhere between a bow in the sky and a little old man in a very large sedan, I'm still Mom to my Monkey.

Thank you.